Deleted Scenes from Secrets of the Weird

In honor of the one-year anniversary of the release of Secrets of the Weird, I thought it might be fun to post a couple of brief deleted scenes from the book. Enjoy...

Deleted Scene #1:

This would have taken place right at the beginning of Chapter Fourteen, just before Civilized Cannibals played their show at Club Club. In this brief exchange between Mace Akers and Steve London, there's some fun dialogue and setting description, but ultimately it was just slowing down the chapter as a whole, so away it went.

     Steve London inched his way toward Club Club’s infamously grotesque restroom. He looked like an animated skeleton doing the graveyard boogie. Frail old stickers and flyers on the Wheat Paste Wall attempted to escape from their positions. The pathway leading from the main hall of the club to the restroom was stickier than a rug weaved with freshly chewed gum. A few thoughtful and inspirational graffiti statements tattooed the restroom’s outer door:

FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL 1-800-YOUR-MOM

VIV & THE VACCUUMS SUCK

LIBERACE IS GAY

JOANIE BLEW CHACHI CHARLES TOSSED BUDDY’S SALAD

      A strident flush roared behind the door, as if the whole city was about to be sucked into the Earth’s toilet. Moments later, Mace Akers burst through the door like a firefighter on the way to save a kitten. He lifted each arm and sniffed at his pits, confirmed they were acceptable for public interaction. A devious grin was smeared across his cinderblock face.

     “Is it safe to go in there?” Steve asked. Worry haunted his eyes.

     “Well,” Mace said, “it’s not my finest work, but I think you’ll still be impressed.”

     Steve froze, weighing out his options. He puffed on the remains of a clove cigarette as if it were providing him with oxygen. His pupils bounced around inside his eye sockets.

     “I used the last of the TP, too,” Mace said, already halfway across the club before Steve had a chance to make up his mind.

     “I think I can hold it just a little longer.”

Deleted Scene #2:

A very tiny cut from the fanzine interview with Civilized Cannibals. There's some funny stuff here, but I also realized Mace and Steve had already given Christopher a lot of grief about his previous relationship with Cypress, so it would have been a little redundant.

S.S.: What’s this I hear about one of you guys dating some chick from the Sweetville Hitlerjugend? Is that true?

M: Well, all I’m saying is that it wasn’t me. Not saying that I wouldn’t partake, just that I didn’t.

S: Not it.

M: Posi swazi.

C: Shut up. Okay...shit. That’s done and done, all right?

M: Sure it is.

C: Come on...can’t a guy make one stupid mistake in his life? Let’s just get this clear: I don’t agree in any shape or form with her politics. Never did and never will. I thought she had a couple of good qualities—

M: I bet I know just what those two wonderful qualities are. Tune in Tokyo!

C: Shut it. Basically, I was hoping she’d grow out of it. Didn’t happen. The past is just that. Let’s move on.